I Need Plastic Surgery

I’ve decided that I am in need of some plastic surgery.  Maybe not the type you think though… let me explain.

1. 4 More Arms – Is there a surgeon out there that is willing to add 4 more arms to my body?  I can’t seem to get enough done in a day and this seems like a good solution. Think about it…. when you are hands deep in a raw chicken, preparing dinner and your child walks up and asks you for some juice, wouldn’t it be great to be able to do it without having to stop, wash your hands, etc.? Just pull out one of the other sets of arms and get it done.  Maybe they could be super stretchy too. That would be fun.

2. Eyes in the Back of my Head – Yes… as Moms, we’ve all said it. We’ve all told our kids that we have eyes in the back of our head. But, wouldn’t it be great to actually have them? It would be amazing to be able to get things done without having to look behind myself constantly to see what mischief my girls are getting into.  I think maybe I would have a set put in on the side of my head too. Why not cover all angles?

3. A Removable Stomach – I’ve been thinking about this one since I was pregnant.  There are so many times when I’ve eaten too much, or my pants don’t quite fit right.  It would be great to just remove my stomach. Solve all of my issues in one easy fix. And imagine when you are pregnant, VERY PREGNANT and you just want a break from the pressure in your hoo-ha… just lift off the belly, take a break and put it back on.  Heck, I might even consider getting pregnant again if that was an option.  Well, maybe.

4. A Mouth Shutter – So here’s what I’m thinking. There are times when I shouldn’t eat. There are times when I shouldn’t say what’s on my mind.  There should be a button that I can press that triggers a small door or lock of some sort, for my mouth.  This would stop me from making those mistakes.

5. Auto-Pilot – I’m lucky to get 6 hours of sleep every night.  I’m physically exhausted most of the days. What if a surgeon could wire us with auto-pilot? What if we could move around and do everything that needs to be done around the house, at work and with the kids and we are actually asleep.  Wouldn’t you schedule that surgery tomorrow? I would!

6. Whine Blocker – More than anything, I’d love something that could block the whining that goes on in my house.  All day long, one of my three girls are whining or fighting about something. Maybe I could have a switch installed that turned all incoming whines into beautiful music.

Can you think of any special surgeries you would have? Comment here and share!

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Food and Drink Pouches Scare Me

So I’m sure you remember the Capri Sun incident.  If you didn’t, I won’t remind you of the yuckiness.  It took me a really long time to get up the courage to allow my girls to drink anything in a pouch or box (that wasn’t see through on one side).  Pouches are scary to me now.  And as silly as it is, because honestly, this could happen with any food, but with pouches, you can’t actually see what is going into your kids bodies unless you empty it into another container, and that’s pretty much defeating the purpose of the convenience, right?

When our youngest was born, I had every intention of making my own food for her.  But… then reality set in and I realized that with my busy work schedule and the girls busy dance schedules, I wasn’t going to have time to make food.  I attempted it a few times and then of course, I forgot about the extra I made and it spoiled and I realized that it would be more convenient and less wasteful of me to just buy the food. I had made the decision to buy only organic baby food because with all the hoopla, that’s supposed to be the way to go, right?

So she loved them.  Every single one.  The ones that I read the ingredients and thought, NO WAY will a baby eat this because of it’s fancy veggies (kale, spinach, rhubarb).  What baby is going to eat this?  I was shocked that she loved them. She loved them so much she cried when there was nothing left.  When she was too small to eat from the pouches, I would always empty it into a bowl and feed her but as she got bigger, I would just hand her a pouch and let her feed herself.  I actually counted down to that age and looked forward to it.

Fast forward to yesterday, when I found this post on one of my local Mama groups on FB and almost choked on my coffee. It was one of the brands I had been giving her regularly. One of her favorite flavors, in fact.  The Mama that posted it has contacted the company and I hope that they explain themselves and make things right. I know that in large factories, there are circumstances that may be beyond their control but I hope that they are being as careful as any factory can be because we trust our children’s health to these companies.

Just wanted to make others aware. Have you had a similar experience? Feel free to comment below.

Here is the post:

10524664_10101016069949807_4724195757587323833_nI really don’t even want to look at this photo again.. but I shared on another board earlier…

First off, I have read about pouches like this (being rotten), therefore I always taste them before giving to R (my 8.5m daughter)… And this one was like death.. Squirted it out to find huge pieces of… Yuck! This is an organic sprout pouch I bought within the last 10 days or so at Target. I have absolutely no idea what the chunks are.. the smaller one seemed like an old pea shell.. but the large one- I don’t even want to know. It wasn’t only that there was chunks of food(?) it in… But it was absolutely spoiled. It smelled disgusting and ugh….. Check your pouches friends- This is not okay. – Jamie H.

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I’m Sorry That I’m a Crappy Friend

It dawned on me about a week or so ago that since I’ve become a parent, I haven’t been a very good friend. I wonder if anyone can really accomplish both and still get a good nights rest.

Being the Mom of three requires a lot of time and energy. Between school, dance classes, homework, breaking up arguments and trips to the doctor for the never ending cold virus that has been with us for the last 7 years, I am left with very little “me” time, let alone “friend” time. I also work full time, run two businesses and manage to cook dinner at least 5 times a week. I’m mentally exhausted.

With everything going on, I get about 20 minutes a month to actually get on the phone and catch up with my friends. And that’s 20 minutes for all of them, not each of them. And the calls seem like a mad rush to say everything we need to say before one of our kids interrupts or breaks something or wants some juice or needs their butt wiped. I get to see most of my friends once a year, if I’m lucky. Even my Facebook time is limited. So aside from “Happy Birthday” or liking a post or pic, I don’t get to say much.

And that’s what brought me to the conclusion that I’ve been a crappy friend. I miss going out to dinner regularly and talking about life. I miss our vent sessions. I miss just hanging out with the people I can truly be myself with. I miss the non-stop laughter that starts as soon as we get together and ends when we part ways. I miss my friends and their awesomeness.

So I want to apologize. I apologize for being a crappy friend. I’m well aware and am doing my best to fix it. I promise that eventually things will get better. It may not be until my youngest leaves for college, but it will happen. I hope by then that I’m still worthy of your friendship and you are ok with hanging out with a wrinkly 50-something lady.

Until then…

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Tired of the Fighting and Whining? Try Painting!

My girls might not always get along. In fact, they disagree most of the time. The one thing we’ve finally found that both of the two oldest love to do is anything that involves art.

I’m sure you’ve seen those step by step instructional painting classes. I was dying to go to one with some friends but could never make it. I found a place in my area, called Uptown Art, that has classes for kids 5 and up.

20140526-151700-55020028.jpg My oldest and I went twice (in March and April), while my middle daughter counted down until her 5th birthday. We have this huge empty wall in our dining room and was screaming for some art so I told my husband that as soon as we had enough art, I wanted to create a family wall of art.

Yesterday was my 5 year old’s first class and she did amazing! A few adults stopped by our table to compliment her. She had so much fun and best of all, she and her sister didn’t fight once while we were there.

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When we left, I mentioned that I wish my husband didn’t have to stay home with our youngest. He loves painting too. We decided to stop at Michaels and pick up everything we needed so that we could all paint as a family.

And today, we did just that. We printed pictures from the internet and started painting. 3 hours later, our masterpieces were complete and we finally had enough finished canvases to put up that family art wall!

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I’m so excited to finish it but just had to share how great it’s coming along. If you’re looking for something to do as a family that keeps the kids focused and quiet for a few hours, I highly recommend painting!

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Why Mommy Won’t Have New Clothes Until 2030

If you’re a Mom, you know that once you have kids, the amount of money you spend on yourself is a tiny fraction of what you really should spend.  You get money as a gift, you spend it on your kids.  You get a bonus check at work, you spend it on your kids.  You go to the mall to buy yourself something and instead, you spend everything on your kids.  I guess it’s part of life.

When I FINALLY decide to, or am forced to buy myself some clothing, it usually goes a little something like this.

1. I’m online, usually shopping for something for my kids.
2. I find something I really love.
3. I add it to my shopping cart.
4. I continue looking for what I originally was looking for and add those things to my cart.
5. I go to checkout and realize that I probably don’t need that one thing for me.
6. I remove the item I was buying for myself and checkout.
7. The following day, I’m still thinking about that item but decide against it since I don’t want to have to pay shipping again.
8. The package arrives and I realize that I really should have purchased that item for me because then, I would have it already.
9. I quickly go online and add it to my shopping cart.
10. I get all the way through the checkout process and then contemplate if I should really be spending that money on myself.
11. I talk to my husband and get him to convince me that I need it.
12. I complete checkout.
13. The package arrives, I take it out and have no doubt that I made the right decision.  I put the item down, for a minute, because one of the kids has an “emergency”.
14. When I finally make it back to my new item, one of my kids has already spilled something on it, ripped it, thrown it in the toilet, broken it, gotten it dirty, put it in their mouth or accidentally cut it with their kiddy scissors because they didn’t think it was necessary to move it before they started one of their projects.
15. I yell.  I feel bad. I make note… Mommy doesn’t get things for Mommy until all three kids are out of the house.

16 years and counting…

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The Strange Things Moms Sometimes Say

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We all know that as moms, we say some pretty crazy things. And for some reason, we are able to blurt these things out without even noticing how strange they must sound to the average person.  I decided that it might be fun to take some time and note all of the strange things I’ve said to my kids recently.

I hope you enjoy!  Once you’re done reading them, go down the list a 2nd time and imagine that I said each of these things to my husband vs. my kids.

 

1. Pencils are not food.
2. Why is there poop in your hair?
3. My boobs are not to be stepped on.
4. Get your sisters book out of your pants.
5. Stop that before you break my uterus.
6. Why does the baby smell like air freshener?
7. Baked chicken is not a toy.
8. Why is there Chapstick in the toilet?
9. No, you can’t polish your nails with white out.
10. Why don’t you have pants on?
11. Clean up. I don’t care if your butt hurts. You aren’t using your butt to pick things up are you?
12. Who purchased $135 worth of Full House episodes on my Kindle?
13. Mommy’s brain is old.
14. How did you get chocolate IN your nose?
15. If you’re going to hit me with something, use that balloon.
16. Stop licking the tv.
17. Who wiped boogies on my pants?
18. Who used all of my toilet paper to make a dress?
19. No, you can’t lick your teeth instead of brushing them.
20. Your breath smells like animal crackers and feet.
21. Who threw their fork in the garbage?
22. No, lemon does not taste good on chocolate chip cookies.
23. It doesn’t matter if your socks match, they will both smell equally as bad when you get home from school.
24. Who left the tv remote in the pantry?
and my favorite…. 25. Because that’s what they taught us in Mom school!

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If I Got Paid for Dieting…

I was “skinny” my entire life. So skinny in fact, that there was a time when I couldn’t gain weight if I tried. I ate like a crazy person and never listened to those that told me that it would eventually catch up with me. With my first pregnancy, it only took me only 6 months to gain 72lbs. It was the easiest weight I had ever gained. I guess Ice cream and cookies will do that to you. And unfortunately, I didn’t have a 72lb baby so the weight stuck around. And here we are, three babies and 9 years later. And I’m still trying to get rid of the last 40 lbs.

I’ve tried just about everything. And I mean everything. Name a diet. I’ve probably attempted it. NutriSysytem, Weight Watchers, Quick Weight Loss, Insanity w/ the meal plan, Juicing, etc. I’ve tried powders, shakes, and even one that made me eat the same meal over and over again for months. If I got paid for dieting, I’d be rich. In fact, I even tried DietBet and won some money for losing weight. Just not enough to keep me going once the game was over.

I’m great at starting these diets. I’m so motivated. I start losing weight and then have that one moment of weakness and eat something I know I shouldn’t. And then I step on the scale the next day and that one bowl of ice cream or that one bar of chocolate didn’t make me gain weight. And then the discouragement sets in. Why didn’t I gain weight? Why wasn’t I being punished? If I can eat this stuff and still lose weight, then why should I commit to any diet? And that’s when my diet commitment is out the window.

So here’s my thought process. If I commit, in front of all of my blog readers, to lose this weight, you will all hold me accountable, right?

My new diet started on May 8th. I’ve lost 2 pounds so far. When you read this, comment and just ask how I’m doing. And if you see me in public eating something that is not healthy, I give you permission to smack it out of my hand. This should be interesting…

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