My husband has suddenly decided that he wants to get a tattoo. He’s been spending time on different sites, trying to come up with ideas. I have come up with a list of things I think he should consider. Enjoy.
1. Girl Maker: Three pregnancies, three girls. Might as well state the obvious.
2. My Wife is AWESOME: NO explanation needed and likely to increase his action in the bedroom.
3. An iPhone: Why? Because you will NEVER see my husband without his iPhone in his hand or within a few inches from him. NEVER. EVER. EVER.
4. A Motorcycle or a Ferrari: Because that’s the closest he’ll be to actually ever owning either one.
5. A Mustache (on his finger): That way, when he shaves his face and looks like a much younger version of himself, he can walk around with his finger under his nose and people won’t feel the need to card him and/or call me a cougar.
6. An Off Switch: There are times when we argue about something stupid. And even though 1/2 of the time, he is usually right, I would love to be able to push a button and stop him from talking.
7. A Map to his Keys and Wallet: Without fail, my husband misplaces his keys and wallet on a daily basis. Every. Single. Day. We are late to almost every event because we spend 10-15 minutes looking for one or both.
8. STOP AND LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE: That’s an important one. We will often have an entire conversation and he will have no recollection of any of it, minutes later. If he has this tattoo on his wrist, that might help. Or, will he just forget to look at his wrist?
9. All of the things he constantly says to our girls, day in and day out: There are things that he tells our girls regularly and they never seem to stop doing them. So what I’m thinking, is that he can tattoo these things on different parts of his body and when they do them, he can show them the tattoo. For instance, “DON’T CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN” – that one could be tattooed on his armpit. And while we are at the dinner table, he can flash his armpit, instead of saying it for the 1,000th time. Or “STOP YELLING” – that one could be tattooed on his tongue. Or how about, “DON’T FART AT THE DINNER TABLE” – that one could be tattooed on his butt. He can flash his… Ok, maybe I should rethink this one. Next thing we’ll know, our kids will just be mooning us at the table and then he’ll need a tattoo for that.
10. Super Dad: Of all the funny ideas I’ve had, this one I really and truly mean. I couldn’t have picked a better man to be the father of my kids. He’s been hands on since day 1, changing diapers, cleaning bottles, doing their hair, the whole nine. All three of our girls know how safe they are when Daddy is around. They know that although he might raise his voice sometimes, that he loves them unconditionally and will always be there to wipe the tears. He is amazing. He is super dad!